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Writer's pictureJacqui Joy

A Gentle Reminder That Your Boundaries Matter

We believe that it's a pertinent time, especially as women, to remind people of their right to set boundaries for themselves as well as the cruciality in respecting other people's mutual right to setting boundaries of their own. Prefacing, we thought it just as important to remind those reading that unlearning and relearning are crucial steps in not only individual growth but communal growth of society, as a whole; this means keeping an open mind when receiving new information that may conflict with one's own predetermined opinions.


Setting and respecting physical and non-physical boundaries helps us to harbor a safe haven for ourselves and within our communities. Although personal boundaries may be challenging to navigate, establishing, and communicating them is essential for our overall safety and well-being. Boundaries can be created to protect yourself in various circumstances including protecting one's own personal space, sexuality, culture, religion, possessions, emotions, and energy.


First, know that you have a right to set your own boundaries:


You have the right to have your boundaries respected


You have the right to feel safe when setting boundaries


You have the right to say no and set boundaries without feeling guilty


Now, how do we honor each other's personal boundaries?


Recognizing and respecting other people’s boundaries may not be so clear-cut. You may make mistakes however, it is important that we hold ourselves accountable and to a higher standard. If you mistakenly cross someone’s personal boundary, apologize. Be mindful to not overstep. Communicate. Ask questions. Think before you rebuttal. Keep an open mind as to why one might be setting a particular boundary in the first place. And of course, listen more than you talk.


Here are 3 easy steps you can take to honor someone’s boundaries:


1. Recognize that boundaries can be physical, or non-physical

Your personal boundaries may differ from someone else’s. It’s important to recognize that boundaries may look different and that they come in various forms. Some people may not be comfortable with certain physical actions, despite it coming from a place of affection. Before you hug someone, find out if they are comfortable in doing so. You never want to trigger someone’s negative experiences.

Boundaries aren’t always physical either. Since grade school, we are taught to stay a safe distance from someone’s personal space/bubble but many times we are taught that from a physical aspect only. Boundaries can be non-physical too. Maybe someone doesn’t like to talk after coming home from a long day of work and would like a few moments to themselves to decompress. Or maybe someone doesn’t feel comfortable being forced to engage in certain social situations, don’t make them feel bad for being less ‘out-going’.


2. Picking up social cues

Boundaries may be recognized beyond the use of language. Possible hints that someone might be uncomfortable or might want more space

  • A change in voice tone

  • Avoidant eye contact

  • Nervous gestures including smiling, laughing, talking speed, etc.

  • A decrease in conversation participation

  • Stiff body posture

  • Wincing or flinching


3. Ask Questions


The simplest way to recognize someone’s personal boundaries is to simply ask. Inquire if someone feels comfortable with certain physical contact, or if they’re okay with you borrowing their stuff. Reemphasize that their answer, may it be ‘no’, will be respected and will not negatively impact the nature of your relationship with them. Many times, people are hesitant to say no despite their true feelings because they ‘feel bad’ that by establishing their boundaries they might be seen or treated differently. Don’t try to push for an in-depth explanation. A simple dialogue exchange of, “is it okay if I did x, y, z” and simply respecting whatever answer follows is sufficient enough. Try not to guilt trip, someone, into adjusting their boundaries for you, personally. If they do decide to change certain boundaries that they may have previously placed, allow them to do it on their own timing.


"Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment."  ― Brené Brown


Setting and recognizing personal boundaries allows us to create healthy and respectful relationships with others, and most importantly with ourselves. Hope this helped!


As always!

With Love,

Jacqui




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