“The notions and ideas we have about happiness can entrap us. We forget that they are just notions and ideas. Our idea of happiness may be the very thing that’s preventing us from being happy. When we’re caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form, we fail to see the opportunities for joy that are right in front of us”
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Destination happiness is the idea that we will only be happy, once we achieve a certain goal or dream. It’s common, and I am definitely no stranger to destination happiness. Destination happiness can often sound like, “once I get the promotion I want, I will make more money and then I can finally be happy” or “once I fall in love, then I can finally settle down and start the family I want”. The biggest error in this kind of thinking is that, once you achieve one thing, you’ll start looking for something else; it’s likely for our inner narrative to shift to a new goal, for example, “I got that promotion but once I buy the house of my dreams, then I’ll truly be successful and happy.” This ultimately postpones our happiness to a later date, rather than enjoying all that we have in the present moment.
Long story short, your happiness should not have to wait. Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us in his book, “No Mud, No Lotus” that “happiness is possible immediately -- even if not everything is perfect” but for us to achieve it, we must practice nourishing our happiness.
So what can we do today to nourish happiness in our lives, even if life isn’t perfect?
1) Find happiness in your breath
When we practice mindful breathing and meditation we bring awareness in the now. Mindfulness requires us to focus our energy and raise our body’s awareness of what is happening to us in the present rather than having it drift off into the worries of our future, or dwelling on the past. While it’s perfectly fine to have our minds wander during meditation, it’s key to allow ourselves the opportunity to come back to our breath. Next time you find yourself in an anxious state, try box breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds and hold again for another 4 seconds. A great way to enhance this exercise is to place one hand over your heart and one over your belly. Take deep belly breaths as you inhale through the nose and exhale through your mouth.
2) Intentful Gratitude
Intentful gratitude is a more active way to embrace the blessings we have in our everyday lives. I like to think of it as us purposefully going out of our way to find what we can be happy for. This can be exercised through journaling or other forms of art. If you keep a journal of one thing you are grateful for, every day, it can help you to bring awareness back to the now. After a long week, you can look back at what you wrote to remind yourself of all the good things that are happening despite what current obstacles you may be facing. For example, this is my journal from last week:
Sunday - I am grateful for family time
Monday - I am grateful for the breakfast I ate in the morning
Tuesday - I am grateful for the paintbrushes that help me to make art
Wednesday - I am grateful for my best friends who make me laugh when I’m feeling low
Thursday - I am grateful for my ears that allow me to listen to good music
Friday - I am grateful for this sunset
Saturday - I am grateful for good music and warm weather
Looking back at my week, I can summarize, even if it seems small, that I have loved ones, art, food, and a good environment to be happy and thankful for. Additionally, the structure of your gratitude journey does not require such rigidity. It could simply be a few sentences describing one thing you thought was beautiful in your day or a prompt describing an event that made you smile.
3) Break Toxic Habits with Discipline
Purify your day to day life by breaking toxic habits. Even if the toxic pattern is a lack of discipline --- call it out! When you catch yourself falling into a practice of self-pity, comparing yourself to others, or looking for external validation as a requirement for internal happiness--- write it down! You ultimately know best when you’re practicing a habit that may not be the best for you. It's essential to recognize when our habits need changing. Whatever doesn’t align with your values, note them to understand the need behind them. A therapist is a great facilitator in helping you understand your behaviors. The goal is to learn the big lesson behind certain actions and what it takes to break the ones that seem to be dragging us down.
The next step is to create new healthy, helpful habits. However, a degree of honesty and discipline with oneself is required to do so. Manifest your intentions by setting a schedule for your goals, but remind yourself, daily, that these goals do not define your sense of worth or happiness.
Whenever happiness feels far off, it’s important to check in with yourself. More often than not, our lives do not lack an abundance of happiness, rather we are not utilizing the tools we do have in order to bring it out, in the present moment.
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