Graduate school is a tough transition. In my case, it meant moving to a new state, into a new apartment, and making completely new friends. On top of all these social changes, I also had a more serious load of academics to handle. With all of it combined, and it was really overwhelming to try to balance everything, especially at the pace that graduate students are expected to maintain. If there was one thing that got me through this semester it would hands-down be: therapy.
A little background information: my school offers free counseling services and I knew prior to going into graduate school that I wanted to take advantage of this. I was going through a few personal issues, and while running this blog with Sherin, I learned from her the numerous benefits of therapy.
I wanted to write this article for a while but was hesitant about doing so until I decided which parts of my story I felt comfortable sharing. These are three simple lessons I learned from therapy that helped me through this transition.
[1] It’s a different experience once you say it out loud
I’ve been blessed to have amazing friends and family. I have people that I can talk to who would listen attentively and help me through any difficult situation if needed. And that kind of support system has always helped me throughout the big hurdles, but I realized that in some cases, there is this ‘front’ we put on with our friends, whether subconscious or not. So although talking to friends did help me initially, talking to a professional therapist, someone who has been trained with the tools to give honest feedback felt like a completely different experience. Although I wasn’t telling my therapist anything new that I had not talked to my friends or family about, the ability to speak freely without feeling judged uncovered new, underlying emotions that I had not realized I was hoarding.
[2] Grief is not a linear process
One of the hardest parts of transitioning into graduate school while still holding on to grief from past experiences is that you are placed in this environment where you are constantly required to be proactive when in reality, the parts of you that are grieving just want to stay in bed. I thought that one day I would wake up and the grief just would not be there anymore because I was constantly doing all these things to ‘combat’ it, by keeping myself busy. However, what my therapist helped me understand was that grief is not a linear process, but a big ugly circle with many phases. After receiving this new knowledge, I learned to be kinder to myself, especially when ‘moving on’ did not look the way I expected it to. It means that there will still be days where I would be sad, angry, upset, etc. but that did not take away from all the progress that I was making.
[3] It’s hard for us to recognize our own progress, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not happening!!
The biggest take away I got from therapy is that progress is progress. Sometimes it’s hard for us to recognize our growth especially if we don’t see substantial results. However, the tiny victories add up and it’s important to recognize that. Therapy helped me see how much progress I was able to make in just four months of being there. Now, looking back at all that has happened this year-- I’m able to give myself credit and feel proud of myself for making it through some tough moments.
If you are transitioning into graduate school, or currently in graduate school --- see if your school offers similar services! I got lucky because I found a school therapist that I really get along with and that I feel comfortable to speak openly with. School can be really hard, especially when life is still happening. If you are on the fence about going to therapy, I hope this article serves as encouragement to take that life-changing leap of faith!