Human beings are social creatures. Now, with social distancing, we are starting to see just how important it is to have good friends that we can talk to. Additionally, studies confirm that our mental health is significantly better when we are around good friends and decreases when we are in isolation. Other medical benefits of surrounding yourself with good company include lowered chances of heart disease and an increase in overall life expectancy. Loneliness and lack of social connection, however, are linked to negative consequences including increased chances of developing dementia later in life.
Over the past few years, as I’ve been growing and soul searching, I have realized the true importance of positive, meaningful friendships. Like most people, I’ve had many acquaintances in my life come and go, but I also have a small group of best friends. I adore these people. The friends that I have chosen are truly the kindest, most compassionate, and loyal people ---but they also never fail to keep me accountable. They will put me “in my place” in a heartbeat, but always from a place of love. These are the same people who have influenced me to work hard for my career, to see the beauty in myself whenever I had doubts, and encouraged me to accept nothing less than what I deserve. These friends have influenced me in so many beautiful and positive ways.
When choosing friends, keep in mind that essentially, to a certain degree, we are a reflection of the company we constantly engage with. Spending time around disciplined people can help you become more self-disciplined and being around people who are more positive will help you become more positive. We have all heard the saying “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future." This quote goes to show that the company you keep will influence how you steer through life.
You want friends who are kind, compassionate, dependable, loyal, and whom you can have fun with. But, you also need friends that will call you out when you are wrong and push you to do better.
In continuation of our reorganization series, I want to encourage you to take inventory of your close friends. Are these the people who are positively influencing your life? Or are they keeping you from reaching your fullest potential? Here are 4 tell-tale signs of a potentially toxic friendship:
1.) You feel bad about yourself after spending time with them
Friends should make you feel empowered and uplifted. If you don’t feel good about yourself after spending time with them then it’s wise to re-evaluate that friendship.
2.) They don’t express their happiness when good things happen to you
This is one of the most common signs of a possibly toxic friendship. In healthy friendships, the other person will want to see you succeed and be happy and it may motivate them to strive for better. If it feels like your joy isn’t being shared, the weight of that person’s negative attitude could bring you down as well.
3.) They only reach out when they need something
One-sided friendships are never fun. Of course, there will be times that they might need to lean on you more than others, especially if something significant is happening in their life (and vise versa). However, for the most part, you should feel that you can equally be there for each other in times of need. If you feel that your friendship is one-sided and that you cannot depend on them as much as they depend on you, it could lead to severe exhaustion and it might be time to set new boundaries.
4.) They make you make bad choices that you don’t feel comfortable with or that you wouldn’t naturally make without their influence
Friends should be understanding of your boundaries/morals and values. If a friend is trying to influence you to do something that you are not comfortable with, then that can be an issue. For example, if you are someone who does not drink and your friends are not understanding of that or make you feel bad about it, then it might be beneficial to re-evaluate that relationship.