We all have that inner voice inside of us, that voice in our mind that talks to us constantly without saying anything out loud. In the simplest terms, it is our internal monologue. Some of us have inner voices that are not so kind, while others have perfected the art of positive self-talk. This inner voice or internal monologue is developed from our childhood and we carry it with us as we grow. We often take things that our parents, friends, peers etc have said to us, and a combination of these things becomes our self-talk. Self-talk is one of the most important tools that we have, and the best part is, we are in control of it!
Positive self-talk is generally encouraging and makes you feel good about yourself. Positive self-talk is a lot like having an optimistic outlook in life. Positive self-talk can sound like:
- “I don’t feel my best, but I am going to try my best”
- ”I haven’t reached my weight goal, but I am going to keep going to the gym”
- “He/she is beautiful and so am I”
- “I am going through a difficult situation, but I know that things could be worse”
- “I am growing into exactly who I am supposed to be”
Negative self-talk often makes you feel bad about yourself. It can be very detrimental to your growth, stifle your potential and even affect your personal relationships with others. Negative self-talk can sound like:
- “I suck at math. I am going to fail this exam”
-”I look so fat in this dress. I’ll never lose weight”
-“Of course they broke up with me. I am worthless”
- “I deserve this. How did I ever think I would get into college”
- “I’ll probably get fired because they’re out to get me”
In therapeutic practice, clinicians often try to teach their clients who are feeling depressed or anxious how to reframe their self-talk when they catch themselves having an inner dialogue that is not kind or productive. Sports psychologists have done extensive research beginning in the 1970’s in order to better understand the effect that self-talk and visualization has on performance. The general consensus was that for most athletes, positive self-talk helped them perform better because they visualized themselves being successful and achieving their end goal.
I know that personally, my self-talk has not always been the most loving and productive, but rather self-deprecating and mean spirited. However, I can attest to the fact that when my self -talk changed, my life changed. When I stopped telling myself that I was “not smart or capable enough” to accomplish a goal but instead told myself that I would “try my absolute best and put in my maximum effort”, that was when I started to see myself achieve things I never thought I would. When I stopped telling myself I wasn’t “pretty enough”, but rather that I was “beautiful the way I was”, I started to treat myself differently, and therefore, so did others.
If you find that you practice negative self-talk, try this: write down your thoughts on paper and read them back to yourself out loud. Are these comments something that you would say to a loved one? If not, you should not be saying them to yourself either. Once a person recognizes the power of the inner voice, they have the capability to reach their highest potential.
Check out the book “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero if you want to further explore the power of positive self-talk.
With Love,